I have always found that whichever dark (and possibly smelly) place your head has been, it is never too late to reflect. Though I didn’t realize it till I left, over the course of 20 years living in LA I accidentally managed to establish a pretty nice life. I have lived in Berkley now for just over a month. My mother and sister have moved from LA. It would be hard for me to go back for anything but short visits now. But LA still feels like home.
So I hope it is also not too late to give a tip of the hat to the city that I came from. I have waded through a boozy nightlife, slaved in pristine century city penthouse firms, and fought the vicious old ladies and wild bimberinas of Brentwood. Admittedly, I would like to think I learned something along the way.
Though LA is often thought of as a haven for superficial judgment and shallow thought, I have found it to be a land of principles and standards. Not even the most superficial judgment can be made without the acknowledgment of some higher standard. The reciprocal is also true: no standard can be relevant without the judgments that bring it to life.
There is no denying that there are a lot of judgy people in LA. On the grand scale of things these superficial standards might be foolish. But it seems to me that in the attempt to evaluate we also affirm and perhaps create a meaning that transcends the mere implications of our actions. Though this is no protection against cause and effect, it is insulation against the bitter cynicism and determinism that fools people into not being involved. You cannot deny that in LA people are involved, even if it is only with them selves!
Movie stars and fancy billboards; slutty nightlife and snobby ladies, gaudy mansions and gutted ghettos; in my experience, no matter how superficial or foolish, people in LA people act and treat them selves as if they matter. LA is an illustration of how even the vacuous, supercilious, and just plain silly can produce something worthwhile.
The result is an LA that burns bright enough to attract people like moths, from all over the world. Despite the threat of a fiery death, they stay. There is a magic and beauty when a life is transmuted into a flash, pop, and puff of smoke. Perhaps in the end it is magic such as this, which gives us the meaning and light that sustains and guides us all.
Remember, I moved out to CA in 1988 for the express purpose of living in San Francisco. I lived in San Francisco for six years and I still love the City, but I chose to move to L.A. and I'd still rather live here.
ReplyDeleteAmerica in all its diversity across its vast territory is a land of principles and standards and all the superficial or meaningful judgments that go with it. I raced out to LA at the ripe age of 18, leaving behind the Midwest small town citizens of Del City, Norman, and Oklahoma City. I remember the valevictorian of my graduating class had wrote in my year book:“I guess there is more to you than I thought.” To this day, I wonder what she had thought…
ReplyDeleteI had hoped to leave the superficial judgments of the Southern genteel Junior League members, like the mother of a boyfriend who admired the Hawaiian lei her son had placed around my neck after a 3 month trip to Hawaii, with this comment. “Why,look at that lay…. The one around your neck, I mean.” The trip was designed to separate the two of us. I was only 17.
It is not too late to tip your hat to the city of your birth, and coming of age. If you do not return, and you might, you will continue to think of LA for years to come with a wistfulness and fondness only Angelinos can know. (My favorite is when in winter, on a very clear day, after the rains, you can see the snow capped San Gabriel mountains from the beach, on the street where your father lives, at the top of the hill). It is a city that has inspired you, a city in which a more than few of its citizens have mentored if not adopted you, have encouraged you, and have admired your potential and your enthusiasm and curiosity in life. Every endeavor you have involved yourself and committed to has resulted in hard won lessons, rewarding or disappointing, regardless.
Superficiality and shallowness exists everywhere. The only judgment or standard that is important to you is your own. And I do mean own.It is your own. Not someone else’s. You may discern the value in other’s judgment, but it is nothing until you decide to make it or part of it yours and you become to live by it. And I question the notion of a “higher” or “lower” standard. You choose the standard by which you wish to live. If someone has another standard, it is not necessarily higher or lower. Do not waste your time contemplating the difference. It is simply that. Different. By many people’s admissions your standards are high and you have admitted to me that it is not about high or low, it is simply what is important and interesting to you and your desire to live/perform to that standard. Do not waiver. Be true to yourself.
You say:
“But it seems to me in the attempt to evaluate we affirm and perhaps create a meaning that transcends the mere implications of our actions”
Yes, evaluate and affirm for yourself, and transcend beyond. …. And achieve and become who you were meant to be, since the day you were born to us, and born to the world. You matter, Rik. You matter very very much. To me, no doubt. But to much and to many.
And I know that you will be reminded that sometimes even the vacuous, supercilious and just plain silly can produce something worthwhile every once in a while. LA does burns very bright and attracts many people like moths, from all over the world, even Del City, Oklahoma and despite the very threat of a firey death, we stay until we can no longer. There is indeed a magic and beauty when a life is transmuted into new life, perhaps. Perhaps in the end it is magic such as this, which gives us the meaning and light that sustains and guides us all. Just as you say, Rik.
Very interesting. A rose can grow anywhere. It doesn't mean there aren't dead birds besides it. There are dead birds everywhere! And also roses.
ReplyDelete